Each week, we bring you the most cringe-worthy sales moments from across the web. To submit your sales fail story for consideration,

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I sell residential security systems and thought I had a solid lead when a homeowner called asking about our “most advanced surveillance package.” I drove to his house the next day. When he answered the door he seemed normal enough. But then he started explaining how government cameras are used to read people’s thoughts, and started asking some really weird questions.

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“I need protection from the mind readers,” he said seriously, leading me to his living room where every window was covered. “Can your cameras be modified to block mind rays?”

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I tried steering the conversation toward actual burglary protection, but he kept interrupting with elaborate theories about alien surveillance networks. When I showed him our motion detection features, he asked if they could detect “interdimensional beings.” For twenty minutes, I attempted to explain normal security features while he took detailed notes about protecting his “thought privacy” and asked if our cameras could be reversed to “scramble brain waves instead of recording them.”

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When I finally escaped and called my manager about the bizarre meeting, he started laughing. Turns out the guy calls every security company in town with the same routine—he’s locally famous for wasting salespeople’s time with his conspiracy theories. I’d been punk’d by the neighborhood’s most deranged time-waster.

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Anonymous       Location Withheld

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I sell accounting software to small businesses and was working through my cold call list when I reached a restaurant owner. When he answered, his voice was completely groggy and I could tell I'd clearly woken him up from a nap.

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I launched into my standard pitch about how our software could help streamline his accounting processes. He politely declined, explaining that he was a small operation and happy with his current system.

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I should have taken the hint and moved on, but I was behind on my quota that month. Instead, I kept pushing, asking questions about his business growth plans and when he thought he might be ready to scale up his operations. He kept insisting he wasn't interested, getting slightly more irritated with each question. Then I made my fatal mistake. I asked him about his annual revenue, thinking it would help me understand his budget and needs better.

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That's when he completely lost it. He started screaming about how his restaurant was barely staying afloat, how he was probably going to lose everything, and why some random salesman was asking him about money when he could barely keep his lights on. His voice started breaking, and it sounded like he might be crying. He hung up on me mid-rant, and I sat there feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet.

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Anonymous       Location Withheld

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I sell medical devices to hospitals and had been working on a deal with the cardiology department at a regional medical center for three months. This was my biggest opportunity of the quarter. I was on my way to a meeting with the purchasing manager. As I was walking up the steps to the lobby I heard a loud crack. The heel of my dress shoe had snapped clean off. I tried to fiddle with it but couldn't get it back on. I tried walking normally, but each step created this awkward limping motion - my left foot was now an inch shorter than my right. I attempted a sort of tip-toe walk on the broken shoe side, but that felt even more ridiculous.

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I met the purchasing manager, and she led me to a conference room packed with six cardiologists, all seated around a long table looking serious and professional. I limped through the door, bouncing up and down, and decided to address the elephant in the room. "Sorry about the limp, everyone—broke my shoe heel in your lobby.” I said it with what I hoped was a charming smile. Complete silence. Six stone-faced doctors stared at me with zero reaction. I knew it wasn't going to go well. I just wanted to get out of there.

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I went into my presentation anyway, hobbling around the conference room like Quasimodo, trying to appear professional. I could tell no one was taking me seriously. I wrapped up my presentation, and the doctors left without asking a single question. The purchasing manager stayed behind and thanked me, and offered to walk me out. I politely declined. They ended up going with a competitor and I didn't hit my quota for the quarter. Don't buy cheap dress shoes!

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Anonymous       Location Withheld